The Fighters Battle: Epileptic Warrior (Republished)
By Kuzivakwashe Milcah Wazara
I was fifteen years old when the seizures started. It was quite scary because I didn’t know what it was. What was worse was that no one else knew what it was. These seizures started after three days of hallucinating and, when I was taken to the hospital, the doctors concluded that nothing was wrong.
From then on, people thought that I was faking to gain attention and that was quite upsetting, because, from then on, it was very difficult to cope along with everyone else. It made me feel like I had become a problem to everyone around me, including my friends.
This led me to wondering why I had to live. I thought I could easily hurt myself, or worse I could easily kill myself. I started to fall into an alley of depression. I actually tried to kill myself.
I hated the fact that no one around me understood what was going on. No one believed that something could have been happening. I was angry at everyone and I was angry at myself. I cried a lot. This led me to doing many things which I regret. I started to feel numb towards the world. I didn’t know what living was. his went on until 2017.
In 2017, the seizures became more serious and I was taken to the doctor. This time, the the doctor confirmed that I could have epilepsy. He prescribed me to Lamotrigine, a medication used to prevent and control seizure. and that I take it every day. Even though I was put on medication, the seizures continued.
On October 26, 2017, I was on my way home from school and I didn’t feel too well. I tried to get home as fast as I could. As I stepped out of the omnibus, I felt light headed and I could feel that a seizure was about to happen. So I wanted to cross the road as fast as I could because I knew that if the seizure began while I was on this side, I could unconsciously cross the road and get hit by a car.
When I was halfway into crossing the road, I saw a car coming from my left, but it still looked far away. So I decided to cross. I thought I could manage to cross. That was until I felt myself fly in the air and land on my face. People came around me and they were shocked, but I was so happy. They called my parents but their numbers were not available so I told them to call my grandmother. I was taken to the hospital and that is where the seizure happened. I finally understood why all those years had gone by and I didn’t die. It wasn’t my time.
The following year as the seizures became more and more intense, people around me started to ask why it was still happening. They asked me why I still couldn’t control them. It became very annoying and very depressive that I couldn’t explain to them that it isn’t easy to control something that you are not fully in control of, especially if you’re unconscious most of the time.
From my perspective and experience, when one has a seizure, it’s as if they are fighting with themselves for themselves. So sometimes a person can stop it from the beginning, but, at other times, it is overpowering. When they wake up, or start to gain their conscience, they might be able to hear and see you, but they would not have enough strength to do anything. Not even to respond.
Now that everyone around me was pushing me to have controlled the seizures, I became very much uncomfortable around people, hoping and praying that I did not have seizures in their presence. I became uncomfortable with myself and stressed on why I couldn’t control the epileptic seizures. Even though the thoughts of death were gone, I started to wonder what I was really alive for.
As we got into 2020, I started to pray more and ask God what I was supposed to do and why I couldn’t control it or why it wasn’t over yet. God did give me something that I walked through 2020 with. I was supposed to accept that this was what was happening and that healing and controlling will be in God’s time. Even though the pressure continued, I still stuck to God’s word. So my theme for 2020 was acceptance.
My advice for anyone who is battling with epilepsy or seizures of any kind would be to trust God first. He can heal you. It might take time but everything he does is for a reason. You may be an example to others. You’re a fighter.
Next, I would say that you must always be aware of your surroundings and never be alone. If you’re alone, make sure you have easy access to other people.
Thirdly, whenever you feel a seizure coming on, sit down or try your best to be in a safe environment. Fourthly, after a seizure, rest or take a nap. No rush.
Fifth, take a painkiller. No overdosing. After you take a painkiller, rest. Sixth, eat something and drink water or tea. Usually after a seizure I get cold. So I drink both tea and water.
Lastly, ALWAYS take your medication. Don’t worry about what others say. Only God can completely heal you and it is in His time. Always make sure that your friends are great supporters and can understand and handle when you have a seizure. Something that can also happen is that you might feel limited by your condition. Never feel less, or cut out, because of this. You can handle what you can and maybe more.
I thank my family for their support and help, especially my mother. She hasn’t given up on me and still pushes me further. I thank my church and their support in my singing and hospitality skills. I’ve found amazing friends and family there.
Out of all of this, I thank God. My creator and my healer. He has walked with me through many hard times and I love him. So, don’t give up! Keep fighting and be a survivor!
~Kuzivakwashe Milcah Wazara -(Milcah?)